i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
