she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
