So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
