maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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