i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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