great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
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i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
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raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.