btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.