I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
