if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
