I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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