Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
