How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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