There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
