Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
