lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
