The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
