Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Randomize
