Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
