if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
