i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
pop tarts are not kleenex
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
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How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
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Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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