Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
