when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
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He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
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Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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