My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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