I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
