so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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