i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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