$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
