No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Randomize
