I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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