Ambien. No doubt about it.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My vagina just recognized that song.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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