i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Is Oprah even human
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
