My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
