what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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