Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
