if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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