Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
