U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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