I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
