Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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