Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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