She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm always down for nudity.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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