I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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