Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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