I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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