I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
