apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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