Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
