we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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