the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
