I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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