where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
