if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
