I am in a vortex of obligation.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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