i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
