Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
