after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
