Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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