His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
