I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Duck Duck Cougar?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
