I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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