so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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