I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
