He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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