how can u be prego again
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
